just got home from my cuzin's baby shower. lots of talk about babies and weddings since one of my other cuzins just had her baby and another got engaged. so family parties are commonplace to most, but for me... its a rarity. so my dad has 2 sisters and 4 brothers which makes 15 cuzins... ranging from 40 years old to about 18. and a bunch of us only differ by a year.

needless to say, we got a big fam. so parties like that should be fun, but it often ends up making me feel like i missed out. with the exception of my sister and i, all my cuzins grew up together... playing together as kids and celebrating holidays together. they have all these embarrassing stories about each other growing up. they even hang out and call one another. crazy.

meanwhile, many still get me and my sister confused. some don't know how to spell my name. they still see me as a little 15-year-old. and basically, they know absolutely nothing about me. i feel out-of-place, like a stranger. yet we all share the same name, the same grandparents, and our parents all act and look alike. but i end up feeling like an outsider. it sucks.