i just finished reading jeff's blog about feeling at home in socal, and i feel drawn to write my thoughts on the topic that recently preoccupies all my thoughts -- my move out of new york. (warning: long blog)

i've lived here for five years. FIVE years. that's half a decade. now i have just over THREE WEEKS until i can no longer call myself a new yorker. for the last few weeks or so, this reality has slowly been settling in and the more i think about it, the more i find myself already missing my life here.

everyone asks me "why are you leaving?". before, i used to say "i'm done here. its been 5 years, i'm ready to go back west." more recently my answer is, "i don't know anymore!" my decision to leave here was tough. i sat on it for a long time and a few months ago, i made it official by telling my boss i was leaving. i was following my gut. sometimes i regret it, but i know its a decision i made for a reason and i can only trust that. but damn. i love new york.

i keep finding myself looking around and noticing things about the city i never noticed before. i take advantage of every moment; i go out every night after work; i meet with friends i haven't seen in awhile; i can't say no if someone asks me to go somewhere; i fill every empty moment with an activity that i won't be able to do when i leave. i've actually stopped being lazy and staying home.

i look at the friends i've made here over the years. some are strangers whose names i hardly know, but whose faces i see often. others are people i can't picture my life without: my girls -- bev, justine, ivy and our newest addition, atina. i don't have many girl friends in cali and these girls are like no other. i can't even begin to explain what makes them so awesome.

more than anything though, i'm going to miss my independence and my life here. i swear i often feel like i can be a whole different person here than when i'm home. me leaving is like the end of an era... like putting this new york eileen to bed.

its been fun and its going to break my heart when i step on that plane. but all good things must come to an end, and i hope more than anything, that with the close of this door, another one will open...