its about 10 days until i board that one way flight out of here and i have never been a more jumbled bundle of emotions. i'm scared out of my mind at the prospect of not knowing what the hell i'm gonna be doing. and i'm so incredibly sad to be leaving all this behind; i tear if i think about it any longer than a second. and then a teeny tiny fraction of me is actually excited. i remember the feeling i had when i first moved to new york... an adrenaline rush. i'd love to feel that again.

and then there are all these people who are trying to talk me into staying longer. my volleyball team, especially. haha. they make me think i should. and i've thought about changing my mind on many occassions. its not too late, but it is too late. man this is tough.